can be a nightmare. I am not used to nightmares. I do not remember much of my dreams, unfortunately. I wish, I would remember more of them.

That belongs to my dream. My dream has many aspects and one of them is, that I remember the dreams of my sleep. The sleep that is a state of coma and used to make other contacts than at daytime.

I was so happy to hear the little blieps of my mobile phone the moment the sms came in so I could answer it right away. It was only later that I realised that I was just leaving the bank that had taken about 500000 off my account for some control of my address.

The Dutch railway company has sent me 60 cents three days before and I wonder whether that is the cause of the 500000 that the bank let me pay. The 500000 are not worth that much in this part of the world but it would be worth that over there where the sender of the sms lives.

My dream is not a dream but I am just fulfilling what someone told me ca. 30 years ago. He gave me this message because it was the only time I met him. He had been patient in coma for about 6 weeks and after that he came into movement again and saw the aura of everybody he met.

That was a big shock as it is not just a white light that you see around the physical body but he saw much more and he was curious what all these colours and circles might tell. He had a friend that was a doctor and this doctor was as curious as his friend so they arranged that he would come into the practice and sit in the waiting room and watch the patients and tell the doctor what he thought was the problem of the patient.

This way they found out what all the colours and circles and other forms that the ex-patient in coma saw, told. He became a healer as he just needed one eye on the person to be able to tell what his problem was and how this problem might be solved.

He knew in advance that I was the other way around and that would make that I would not accept his invitation to follow a course that he would give. I am very happy that he told the story of my future the way he did and that I remembered after so many years.

And in a way I am very sorry it took me so long to return to the place where I met so many nice people that I felt at home, a unique feeling for someone that has felt lost all his life. The ex-patient in coma told details that came true and that I remembered slowly, after the first meeting.

An envelop would be the clue and that was remembered so the envelop became a valuable piece of paper, long before that was recognised. The person that loves to do and move and can not move because of, will not keep in remembrance those experiences that need to be followed up if he has no trust and no possibility to follow up.

The beloved that comes from far away, shows who he is and leaves again, can give hope and fear. Hope to the person that needs support and feels supported by the stranger that is so known, and fear for those that fear a change in the existing situation.

The longing for a change can be the pool of fear if one has the feeling one can not decide for oneself or one has responsibility for others that are depending on one. The man that found a woman that takes care of him and is depending on his wealth, will feel responsible and not being able to move if the woman does not let him be free.

The dream to be free has another form for all people. Freedom may seem being rich and having a lot of money, having a paid job or a friend that cares, but the real freedom is the own inner security that one lives the life one wants to live and that is good for all.

Wanting to make it possible to all people to be able to move, made that I first had to make that I allowed myself to move. By “robbing” the bank that means that I took out more money than was on my account, I could buy a ticket to the land where my mother was born.

But I did not pay all my debts yet. The first ticket is still not paid totally. I visit the shop where I bought this ticket now and than and bring some money. I can not bring all the money at once because I do not earn anything yet.

No person has made contact with me to change money against what I have to offer so I changed my offer. In stead of just offering to treat patients, I started to offer the therapists of patients to learn from me how they can help patients in coma on their feet, but until now, no therapist has shown interest.

So I had to do something else with my time and that was writing. I was writing about what I experienced in daily life and what I meant had to do with the state of coma. The neighbours were great to show me the way some people act to try to change their own life.

They do not sit outside in the sun and drink a cup of tea and invite the neighbour to join them but they try the best they can to make the neighbour angry and hope that he will piss off. And as that did not work they told the landlady that they would piss off if the neighbour would not.

The neighbour stayed and they did not piss off. They stayed too. That is the state of coma as they are not capable to move. The neighbour that wants to move is also in a state of coma, but another one. He does exactly what others expect from him and they expected that he would not be capable of pissing off so that became true.

The person that reacts contrary may want to move but can not. He will not find the right movement to make to get out of his contrary behaviour. He may need help to get into another movement. Running away may be the only solution one sees for the horrible situation one is in but running away can make that one gets the same situation again.

If one can find the reason that this situaton came into existence, one may be able to find another reaction that will make that the situation changes. In my case of the neighbours that wanted me to leave the house, they moved. Unfortunately not far away but at least we no longer have the same front door.

In stead of getting as emotional as the neighbour woman that wanted me to leave, I found out that I did not have to get emotional. I did not have to fear as there would be a solution. Maybe I would not like the solution but spending energy on being afraid cost me so much energy that I could not do anything to think about earning money.

Since I feel free to spend money for my furniture and books and memory plays that I make, I feel rich. I can show people what I have been doing and if they tell me that I am a good writer, I feel good. Especially because I could not write anything as I was young.

And this young was until I was about 55. It took me so long to find the words that might explain to others what I felt, saw, understood. And often we do not use words. We may use a word but behind that word is a story that is read by those that do not need words to support or ask.

“Help!” we cry and others answer or just hear it and send the cry to those that can help.

Help is not always help. The lack of money makes that people sell their organs and are criple for the rest of their lives and those that bought these organs? How come that someone buys an organ of someone else? What is it, that one can not live with the physical body that one has and die when that is finished?

The medical world operates and children are taken out of the mothers belly, bellies are taken out of women and chemicals are used to try to avoid that people die of cancer. So they do not die of cancer but they die of the chemicals that make all life impossible.

Or they die of some very simpel illness of the stomac or cold because all their resistance is gone. The drive to live is gone if the person has no longer a goal which is often the case if one does not feel loved. The feeling of being loved makes that one can get a goal.

The goal can be to help this person to become independent but that needs more than just being loved. It needs courage of all involved as being independent means that one has to take responsibility for his own acts. That means that it needs to look further than just here and now.

Because here and now the sun can shine and I can have money in my pocket but this can only be used once so it is important that it will be used for something that makes that I get new money. Only a part of the money can be used for something that does not give money back, for example food or drink.

Food or drink can give money back if you sell it, on the street, in a restaurant or in a pub. The pub is a place where people can meet each other and to some people that is the only place they can meet others that feel like they. The woman that is like a man or the man that is like a woman, will not have the same needs as the woman that is looking for a man or the man that is looking for a woman.

The answer on the question why a woman is looking for a man is also important. If it is only the idea that the man will be rich, the chance to get disappointed is huge. Because the man is not rich and the woman may be rich. The woman that was rich but lonely and found herself a young man that gave her all the needs she needed to feel rich, was disappointed by this man.

He had wishes that cost a lot of money and she could make him happy because she had money and he cared for her the way a child cares for his mother. And both got older and she wanted to rest, stay at one place, make friends and be happy, but he could not. He was a tramp.

Always running to make the best out of the money that was left. He found himself a younger woman after he had taken all that the older woman had as she gave him total disposition as she was having a life dangerous operation. He took all and just helped her to find a place where she could stay until she would die.

She offered me some of her French discs but I did not take them. I did not want to take the music that she liked most. Unfortunately I was not at her funeral as I was in Norway and did not hear about it early enough to arrange that trip. My own state of coma made that I needed a lot of time to make trips that cost a lot of money.

Being afraid to lose my money, I lost it. No one could help me and it took some years to find out that lots of them helped me. I am very greatful and know that the help I got will support me to help others in their change of life. The dream of living in another part of the world may also be a nightmare as one is not used to the cold and distant attitude in that other part of the world.

As living in a part of the world where open doors are normal will also be totally different from what one may expect. The landlord that invited the new hirer to come and sleep some nights before to decide to come and live in that place did the best he could as the hirer discovered this way that the place was not the right one for him.

The landlord was a treasure but the house was unhealthy. The old house was full of air that had not been changed too long and that made that the lungs of the new hirer protested each morning after having slept there. So no moving to this place but staying at the place where the hirer was not wanted.

Having experienced the open doors in the East, the hirer would like to move there, but no chance. Without a penny in the pocket and no paid job the East is like the West; just stay away, unless you do not have to eat or drink and have enough clothes and keep healthy.

Than you may find yourself another talent that you have and earn money with singing in the street, telling stories, selling pictures that you make or you may find another way to use the talents that you have and make money with them. If we have found our roots, we will be able to use much more of our talents than if we are on the run and always living in the future, trying to avoid the same experiences that we had in the past.

Some people are always too early with their presents or with the letters they write or the gifts they send and that makes that they can not change the future as the future is formed now. If I would not be wrting now, I will not be able to have it printed in time.

I do not know yet when the right time is, but I write letters and forget about them or I send them right away or send them some days later and I can only hope that it was the right moment that I sent the letter. I will not be able to make someone read what I have been writing but if I do not write it, I am sure it can't be read and if I do not send it, it can not be read either.

That is not totally true but the chance that the other one will react on it physically is not that big. One needs now and than the physical contact and that may be a letter, a phone call, an sms or e-mail or a meeting. That can be in the air, on an airport or somewhere else.

The stewardess travels for her work and she opens her house in the time she is gone for the lost Dutch woman that sent her an e-mail after the host that was found through couchsurfing was not found at the railway station where we should meet. The people that can not travel because the money is not worth enough, open their houses and their kitchen for the poor Dutch that has spent all the money to buy a ticket.

Not having to eat is the beginning of independence. Filling the mouth makes that one does not talk. In stead of filling the mouth, opening it and finding the words to express the fear, the dreams and the hope and needs, will change life. Because if others know what you need, they can try to help you.

And if they are not aware about your needs, they will not come on the idea to help you. In Holland the education to become a nurse used to be a paid job, in Indonesia one has to pay to become a nurse so if you do not find a education-angel, you can not become a nurse and the family of the patients must do this job, because there are no nurses?

Is there anyone who wants to support a young girl financial so she can become a nurse? Than please

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