I just made myself german tea. That is the combination of twinings ceylon orange pekoe tea, earl grey tea and prince of wales tea. It is German tea with a dutch note. The dutch note is the ceylon orange pekoe tea, because that is not red as the flag of Germany but orange, the national colour of Holland. I am still Dutch, living in Germany.

I love a German but it seems impossible to be together as the most important part of me decided to want to use my healing hands, to the benefit of the whole. And as far as I can see now, it seems that the benefit of the Whole needs me to teach hpi-therapy so all the patients in coma can be treated by it.

It never was my intention to develop a therapy. I thought, I would not be able to do so as someone told me I had to do so when I would meet her again and she would be a patient in coma. There were 2 autists meeting together. She knew she would become a patient in coma and I knew she would. And I knew I was not yet able to heal her and she knew that too. So she told me, I had to develop a new therapy and I needed something I did not yet know.

It took me some time to find that, that I did not yet know. I was a physiotherapist, I got my education in Holland, in Norway I met Bobath therapy and in Germany I found the esoteric healing. But this combination was not enough and we both knew that as we met at that dinner.

The dinner took place because I won a booklet with vouchers with which one could have dinner for 2 and pay for 1. As I did not have much friends but a lot of vouchers I had an advertisement in the paper and this woman was one of them who reacted.

We had a nice dinner and she told me about the problems she had with her parents. They did not have the contact with her sister that would have pleased her and that was so painful to her, that she decided to go into coma to try to heal the family.

And universe decided that had to been so not only the family would get the chance to heal, but also I would get the chance to heal my problems by developing hpi-therapy.

I did my best and was sent away. Not only by the people that were responsible for her healing, but also by other people that are responsible for other patients in coma. To me this was at first very painful, feeling not seen and not accepted, what I was doing.

But I was told, I had to be sent away, I did not have time to treat patients in coma because I had to teach their therapists how to treat their patients in coma so the patients will come to their feet again. I cried before I knew this. I found out why I was crying and understood, that it is necessary that I teach in stead of treating the patients.

I am just a human being, bound to the time that we use on the earth. That means that only 24 hours are in one day and these 24 hours I can not use twice. I can do 2 or 3 things at the same time. I can listen music and write and speak at the same time, but can not write a book and teach at the same time.

I can write a book that can teach you how to treat a patient in coma healing, but if you do not understand what I wrote, that will not help you much. So I will give the education to become coma therapist or coma nurse. Or personal assistant of a coma patient.

That is a job that is not yet usual but has to be done. To the patient in coma it is not healing, if he is put in the bed and only comes out of it once in 2 weeks to get a bath. I am glad I can take a bath every day! I do not take it, because I have so much to write that, when I go into the bed, the water is cold. The time clock does its work.

So, I sit in my sleeping bag to keep myself as warm as possible. Outside the thermometer shows -20°C now but inside it is a little bit warmer. Sun does not come into this house in winter.

In summer just one hour the sun finds a small part of the window and I will be very glad if my next living and working place is a light full place where I can sit in the sun all day to write everything that wants to be written.

The welcome that the patients in coma gave me was great. They never complained about my not understanding. They waited until I woke up. It took me time but I woke up. I found out that patients in coma need to be moved. They can communicate but we have to find what way!

They must be connected to the earth again to be able to move. They are not connected to the earth and that is as being in space and having nothing to push yourself off. This pushing off is needed to be able to move.

Not being able to push yourself off means that you can not move! There must be a substance that gives you the reference you can use as start for your movement.

To develop the hpi-therapy, the start was physiotherapy. But that was not enough. That was clear from the beginning. Patients that are in coma for 20 years are the evidence that Bobath therapy and others do not have the effect that the patient in coma needs to come on his feet again.

I could not stand it to do what my colleges showed me. I had to try everything and I had to be quick. I only had 3 months time to find out. Than my college would take over again. His child would have been born and his papa time would be finished.

I did what I could, the patients too. They used all their possibilities to let me know what they needed and they sent me all the people I needed to get what I needed. And so I learned to listen to my inner voice by using an outer aid.

I always thought I was not able to do so and mighty happy that I got this outer inner aid to cheque what my inner voice told me. I had not listened to it for too long. I lost the conscious contact long ago and did not dare following the unconscious contact.

I started to do so because I did not have another, better way to treat the patients in coma. And it seemed to help them. So, I continued that way, still insecure but rather insecure using a method that is not scientific proved than doing what my colleges had been doing the last 20 years.

They had told me that that did not work, so if I wanted to have results, I had to do something else. You find in the diary some of the experiences I made with that.

My father did not have to use such methods. He used the knife. He just cut the people open, looked what was broken, put it together with nails and thread, a little bit of healing energy with it and the patient was happy.

He could make a picture of the broken connections that wanted his attention. My patients are different. The coma science can already, with a machine, tell, that there is a lot of mental activity in the brain but for that, you do not need a machine. Just look in the eyes and you know.

If you use the clinical look, you know how much the patient is in his body. If you use your feelings also, you feel if the soul is still around.

I visited a member of the family in hospital and to me it was clear, right away, that he was not longer in. I visited the patients in coma and I knew right away, here is a person that can not move but he is in! You can call it locked in, but that is only a name. It does not say anything about the state the patient is in.

The patient in coma can not move and that is the main problem, that is seen. The reason why he can not move is not seen and no one knows about it. The reason why he can not move, is the disconnection between the astral body and the physical and mental body.

These disconnections were there before the trauma too but they became life dangerous through the trauma and that is the reason of the physical coma state the patient is in.

There are lots of people in the astral coma state. The best example is the patient that is manic-depressive. He has no consciousness of his feelings so he can not change them.

Normally the person feel that he is cold or warm or tired or whatever and he will take on a wool shirt, take off the pullover or drink a glass of warm or cold water or tea or go into the bed and sleep if he is tired.

The depressive person does not feel his feelings and therefore he can not do what he needs to make that he feels good again. So he sits down, feeling that he does not feel what he needs and gets depressive that he does not feel what he needs.

This can be treated by getting aware that one is not aware of his feelings but lots of depressive people do not want to feel. They do not want to feel their loneliness, their fear for the future, their immobility that prevents them from moving and moving would make them to feel what they feel.

So by not moving they prevent to be happy. Moving gives the depressive person the connection to his physical body and the physical body is the connection of the astral body with the mental body. By not moving is the connection of the astral body with the mental body not activated and this keeps on as long as the person does not move.

It is not the only way to activate the connection between the physical body and the mental body. Making music with the voice is another way. The movements of the mouth and the throat and the tongue make that the physical body moves whilst the mental body has to control the sound to be right.

This controlling makes the singing to a healing activity for people that are depressive. Making music with an instrument is also healing but not as powerful as singing because the movements are much bigger. If the movements are fine and precise the healing effect is much bigger than if the movements are big.

That is different from what the patient in coma needs. The patient in coma needs big movements. Movements that use the whole range of moving possibility but not in all stands. The movement that is needed is the movement in which all the muscles keep the same function during the whole movement.

That means that the muscle must be in passive or in active function during the whole movement. Therefore one has to be aware of what muscle has what function during what movement!

The patient that taught me this was a very sporty man and he knows everything about moving. I always tried to move but I was in coma most of my life so I am not the expert on this part of life. But I was listening at the right time as this was told me.

The movements that has to be made with the patient so he can remember them again, are for every patient different. We all had our own development and that is what makes this difference.

The therapist has to find out what movement has to be made now with this patient. The patient knows but he can not talk. Talking needs the use of muscles and this use is not possible since the accident, but there is another way of communication possible.

This alternative has to be found to make it possible to the patient to let know what his needs are. We might think we know the patient and know what he needs but the accident has changed the whole system and that makes that his needs are different from before.

The patient wants to communicate and we have to look for the way that is secure and always right and useful to communicate with the patient. They all have their own special expression that can be used as communication.

For one patient it is the closing of the eyes to say YES! To another one it is the closing of the mouth to say YES! or NO! That depends on what you just asked. If you say: close your mouth to say YES, he will not if the answer is NO! So you ask also to close the mouth if the answer on the same question is NO! And he will unless the answer is BOTH! or NONE OF THEM! or ....

The puzzle is enormous. You will never have finished it. But every piece that you find and put on his place makes that the patient will be able to move again one day.

This puzzle is not easy but it gives an enormeous joy if you find out something. You will feel the happiness that the patient has, to meet someone that want to communicate with him.

The patient that wants me to write this I do not know yet personally but is connected with me through a relative that knows what I am doing. I wrote something after we did not speak at the telephone. I am the non speaking autist.

That means I sometimes can not tell what I want to tell. I found my way to solve this problem. I started to write. I tried to read what I had written but I could not. My emotions made me cry so much that I had to stopp. I couldnot read what I had written.

But, time is going on and internet is part of a part of my life too. So, I was lucky, the neighbour was still living here and I went there and sent the letter by mail. That is no longer possible. She moved yesterday and today she fetched the cats.

So now I do not get up to look if the cats are standing in front of the window and pulling my attention. I know that they are gone now. No more cats that come to tell me to get up and move. So, I stay on my chair an just move my fingers in the small movements that are needed to write this text in the computer.

And I get aware of the pain that comes into my back but I ignore it. I want to write! The physical body has to wait! It is the less important to me. I can move if I want to!

The patient in coma CAN NOT! The patient in coma CAN NOT MOVE! The patient in coma CAN NOT MOVE WITHOUT HELP!

Is that clear now? You have to help him! He wants to move. You can try with all the power you have to get him to move and maybe it looks like he is moving if you use a bomb that you let explode near him, it is not a movement. It is a reflex movement. Like the knee reflex that makes the under leg kick if it is hit and the leg is free to move.

The patient in coma needs the possibility to move. Lying in bed gives a bad possibility to move. The legs must be connected to the ground to be able to move in relationship to the ground. By having the legs on the ground the movements are connected to the ground and by that they will be remembered.

The patient in coma is not like a newborn child that has no memory of movements. The patient in coma has been moving before the accident and in his body of movements all these movements are still saved. If the connection to this body is restored, the patient will be able to use the remembrance of the movements to move.

This connection can be repaired by moving in the right speed, the right combination of movements and after making the connection with the earth. This connection with the earth must be made once more after all the movements that have been made to save them in the body of movements to be able to find them again.

It is like searching in the cupboard, finding the right movement, putting it in another drawer, that fits better in this situation and then putting the name on the drawing so next time you find the movement faster because you find the name of it on the outside of the drawer.

A personal assistant would be a great help. This person would learn what is important for the patient in coma and he would get the instruction to move the patient so much, that his system gets used to it again and gets used to remember again what movements it can make. That is one part to repair the connections that are broken.

Another part is the treatment of the connections that are broken. By treating everything that needs treatment, the necessary connections to be able to move will be activated. Through the accident a lot of different connections, interactions a.s.o. were deactivated and must be connected and activated again.

That needs energy treatment because movements can only be made if there is a platform one can use to move from. Without this platform the patient is, as long as he is not connected to the earth.

Like me. As long I am not connected to the earth I will not be able to earn any money with my work. So, knowing this, I try to get connected by walking, not only to church. Today I felt I had to hike and the first car I showed my thumb stopped and I could be with to church in the convent.

I wanted to go there to see if the lady in the red jacket would be there. I would have liked to talk to her but missed my chance the day before yesterday. I met her and was not able to change my changed plan.

I felt so stupid but I had to accept that I had not been able to tell the woman what I wanted with her. I wanted to have a chat with her, I wanted to know what made that she was in Münstertal at that place and why we met.

I was not able to find the right words soon enough so she ran off and I was too slow to follow her. As I followed her I saw her at the top of the stairs going into the garden of the convent. I whistled much too late.

Being the silent autist I am. And so I lost the sight of her. At the convent they did not know who I was looking for. I had been looking in the "to be given away box" that was full of cookery books. I took out the one with receipts of the kitchen of the "Wiener Kaiserreich".

Was she from Wien? Is she back home now? Is she still in Münstertal? Is she trying to make contact? Will we meet again? Will we remember?

Now that has been an experience for me to get aware that I am still not reacting the way I want. That I am still not using the words that make that my intension is not to be mistaken. I had my tea with tiramisu alone and enjoyed the feeling of seeing a light with the regret not having been able to join it.

That is what the patient in coma is doing all the time. He sees all the light we are but can only join it if we move them the way he needs. If we move too fast, it does not work, if we go too slow, the same result.

The speed of the movements is one of the most important aspects of the treatment. All the different aspects need their special attention. Therefore the therapy must be given by someone that knows what he is doing why and when it is needed.

The insurance companies are not yet willing to invest what is needed into the patients in coma so they can come on their feet again. Therefore sponsors are wanted.

My idea to combine my needs with the needs of some patients in coma is an expensive idea. It is a huge house where the patients and I live and 18 nurses and 2 therapists are paid to treat and care for the patients in coma. 3 of them need this much of caring nurses and therapists.

I guess this costs about 12x € 50 000,- a month and knowing that there are people that get € 50 000,- a month on their account just because they are a member of the krupp, stork, unilever or whatever family, I have a lot of faith that this idyotic idea that came into my mind can be to the benefit of the Whole.

Three years are needed to prove that this therapy is working and the insurance companies do not want to do this proof. They only want the result. They like to spend the money they get from these patients to go for a dinner?

My mother did not like to go to dinners any longer as she was about 50 years old. She made a lot of fuss and refused to go to dinners any more. The reason must have been another disconnection,

Not being able to listen to what others tell you, not understanding what the meaning of what the others say is, because you listen to the music that is played in the background, makes that you no longer want to go to dinners where you are expected to talk sense.

I was very astonished as I met a young man that could play the piano and in the meantime sing the song that belonged to the music. I could never listen to the words and to the music. I could only hear the music. The words were no longer present as soon as music came to them. The reason why I had to play the violin as I was 9.

The disconnection was too big at the time I got the violin. So, it is still waiting until I succeeded to reconnect myself emotionally to my mental body. I got aware of the fact that I now sometimes hear what is sung and that is, because I started to sing.

The church music that our conductor chooses is not the most common music and the combination of songs she lets us sing heals the disconnections some choir members have. I love the music and I love the conductor that is my healer. She is not paid for it but for the music that she lets us sing.

I am not paid to sing nor to do any healing work when I am singing, but I am a soul sister of the conductor and always doing some healing work during the repetitions. I am not the only one. The choir is an excellent place to get healing or to give it. God is the divine love that connects us and makes us connect.

We can use this connection or not. We have our free will to decide what energy we want to follow. I want to follow the divine love. If I do so, I feel happy so, at 03.15 in the night I sit at my compu, think of all those wonderful people that help me to make a dream come true.

The dream that all patients in coma will be able to be treated by hpi-therapy so they will get the therapy they need, to be able to move again. It depends on the complications that the treatment before caused how the patient will be moving after 3 years of hpi-treatment.

Nothing can be said about that in advance. The whole team around the patient is responsible for the result and the time that is needed to get the optimal result. No one can be missed. And it can never be too much!

The same counts for the sponsors. It can never be too much. There will always be an electric chair with standing possibility that is needed or a course on CD to learn a language to use the time that it takes to heal the non moving state winning, or the car that is needed to be able to drive with the patient to the grandparents that are too old to travel themselves.

Money takes the world go around but only if you have it. If not, than you borrow a car to go to the funeral in stead of visiting the person at Christmas. You were both alone, connected in the heart but the physical contact was not there and will not be there any more in this life. Sorry, missed chance, not the first one, not the last one. Keep on crying until all the tears are gone and you listen to your inner voice ALL THE TIME.