It is a long time ago since I have been speaking a word. I can hardly remember. Maybe it even was not in this life? In this life music is my language. In stead of words I make music. Sometimes with my voice but mostly by making others sing.
I have been studying music and play the violin, the piano and the organ, which is very practical as I got several jobs with church choirs. Sometimes there is a special organist, but mostly I play the organ when the choir is singing.
The people that sing in the choirs do that to learn to use their voice. Some people need special attention and make an appointment to learn how to use their voice, others just cope what they see others do. It is like the child that learns to speak, not by only hearing the sound and than reproducing it, but by first looking several times how the sound is made and than being able to make the same sound.
Some of the members of the choir do not like to keep just to one voice. Most of the music is written for 4 voices, 2 men and 2 women voices and sometimes 4 more for the soloists and for some of the members of the choir their voice needs to make a bigger range than the music allows, to be able to enjoy the singing.
Before we start to rehearse the music that we will sing in the church or at the concert, we sing all together the whole range of the music that human voice can make and those that can make all those sounds, are the people that show joy in trying to reach the impossible.
It is like my therapist that does not accept the idea that it is impossible to communicate with someone that is not able to use his voice. I could not use my voice when I was emotional, but studying music and having to sing in a choir made that I learned to speak in emotional situations.
First I noticed that in some music that we sung in the choir, I could not sing a certain part of it. I was happy that the others continued to sing and no one heard that I was silent. I cried whilst the others sang during the rehearsals and noticed that every time I became less and less silent. First I did not have to cry any more, than I could continue to sing with a very low voice and at the concert, I could sing like all the others.
More than once this happened and after I finished my study, I noticed that I did no longer get silent when I got emotional. I even started to cry back to people that shouted at me what made me emotional. It took me some time to understand that what helped me to get my voice back in emotional situations, was the singing in the choir.
